Your experience is one that is likely shared by many. Because of the way we naturally think, it is hard to believe that God could be so kind and generous as to have our good as his objective.
That God is a fault-finding judge, keeping track of every sin, and determined to use our every weakness to exclude us from his presence (and heaven) is Satan’s lying misrepresentation of God’s character. That we have to try harder not to sin, and to atone for our sins, is the corollary of this satanic theology. My wife struggles with this, as well, citing the threat of God’s “recording angel” as a prescription for “bad” behaviour. Realizing that Satan is the source of this destructive deception is a revelation of Christ’s spirit that begins our move from darkness into his marvelous saving light.
Our Heavenly Father sent his Son to this earth to reveal his incredible love for us. It makes no sense that he would pay the terrible ransom of the cross only then to work to exclude us from his presence and his love. It is only by fixing our rapt attention on his Son that we will be truly free from sin and Satan’s deception.
Source: Daily Sabbath School Lessons